"I don't know why, but I get this odd feeling that from here on out, I know I will make the right decisions."

Two heaping plates of pad thai were before us. The sweet, savory sauce glistened in the yellow lighting from the modest Silverton restaurant. My friend Dave gave me a quizzical look.

"What about you?" I asked, taking a bite out of my dinner.

He sighed and raised his eyebrows slightly while he chewed in silent meditation. "I don't know," he said after a while.

"I guess what I mean, is, I think I'll make more adult decisions, ya know? I don't know what it's going to be like after I leave, but I know it's the right thing. I mean, do you feel like that?"

"Hmmmm...I guess from my point of view, being in adult means doing things you don't really want to do."

I remember hearing that and thinking: Well there's an odd statement. Sounds a little like BS.

Looking back on this conversation three years later, I am beginning to see all the sense Dave made. Making decisions, those for our own good, sometimes means doing things we don't want to do. Sure, you can include getting up out of bed in the morning, washing the dishes and a myriad of other things.

When you look at the big picture, however, it's the little details in relation to the big ones that count.

I tend to have this thinking that one day I will change. Change what? Who knows. Somewhere deep down however, is this sensation that I will be a completely new man. I am fooling myself aren't I? I am realizing more and more that true change is in the here and the now. Every second counts. Will I choose to go for that snickers? or abstain in hopes that I will crave sugar a little bit less?

I guess what I am getting at is that I think I am reaching a point where I will stop waiting for tomorrow. Tomorrow isn't here yet, so why should I expect some big defining moment then? It's time to realize that those big defining moments are already here. It's in the waking up. In the choice to smile to a grumpy neighbor or letting things be for what they are.

It's in the doing.

I've decided that today, I will cut back on my lofty goal. I am going to take it a little bit easier on myself and set attainable goals. I am going to let the fact that I didn't workout over the weekend or the latter part of last week negatively affect my thinking.

I choose to move forward.

Mindfulness trains us to be awake and alive, fully curious, about now....It's no small affair, whether you're brushing your teeth or cooling your food or wiping your bottom. Whatever you're doing, you're doing it now. --Pema Chodron

Chest & Back, here I come.

-gabe